Allow me to complain a bit…

…since I’ve been quite lonely and bored since I got here. I’ve made no new friends yet, because, well, I don’t meet any people. I came here hoping to be isolated from all other gaijins and only speak Japanese, but what do I find? The Japanese tourists are very few and the gaijin ones are way too many! If I go out I only see gaijins (mainly aussies), and only tourists…no point making friends with them since I’d have to speak English and they leave within a few days anyway. Ergo: I’m damn lonely here.

Then the job: It sucks! SO damn boring it’s not at all funny! I have to be upstairs in the kitchen by 7.30 each morning and start off by doing a smaller mountain of dishes and cleaning up, then I get breakfast, which consists of bread and tea, and a few salad-leafs, and so little that I don’t dare to eat, since the owners eat at the same time too… I have to stuff myself with bread only, which I really don’t like to do, since I’ll just gain weight… Lunch and dinner are a bit better, but obviously the guests get much better food. I get cheap food that will surely put on a few kilos on me, since it’s mainly rice, rice, pasta, some more rice etc…meat? What’s that?

Continuing with the job: after “breakfast” it’s time to clean up the bathrooms etc, which I’ve always found disgusting, no matter how clean they are. I just don’t like cleaning other people’s mess ok? It’s gross.

Then I finally get free time from about 12-ish or a bit later, until 5.30tish or so, when it’s time to prepare for, of course the guests’ dinner first, then ours, which is sliiiightly better than lunch, but nothing to “hang in the Christmas tree”, as we say in Swedish (meaning it’s not very good). After cleaning up after dinner I’m off. If I work more than 4 hours I’m supposed to get paid, but I have no idea how much or when they think that I’ve worked more than 4 hours… At least the owners are really nice, and they’ve lent me ski-clothes, skis etc, so I can go to the nearby ski-place (the biggest one in Japan apparently! It’s called Happo’one and was used during the Olympic games in 1998). But all in all, I’m utterly bored and miserable here, since the job sucks, food sucks and I’m lonely. I hardly speak any Japanese at all, except with the owners when we eat, and with the wife when we work and she tells me to do stuff, but it’s maximum like 1 hour per day… I would learn much more if I had stayed in Tokyo, then I’d also have time to study, which I don’t have much time for here, due to the work.

I WANT TO LEAVE!!! But…I have nowhere else to go, since I can’t stay with my hostfamily during the break… Everything happens for a reason, right? But what’s the reason for this, I wonder…?

Arrived in Hakuba

Short update on Christmas Eve and all! I arrived here in Hakuba yesterday, after a 4-hour bus-ride from Tokyo. It’s colder over here, and there’s tons on snow! The place where I’m staying and working is really pretty, got my own tatami-room in the basement, where the wifi-connection doesn’t quite reach. Very annoying. Managed to skype my parents, but then I had to go out of my room and in to the nearby games-room, which is meant for the guests (which I’m not). There’s an outside onsen (hot spring), that I’m allowed to use when the customers aren’t (about after 22h or if nobody has booked it). There’s also a nearby ski-place, about 10 min walk from here. Very big! It was used during the Nagano winter Olympics in 1998, so you can imagine… I got back from there about an hour ago, and I haven’t done any skiing for about 5 years or so… When I first got there I thought, this doesn’t look so bad, let’s go all the way up! Got in to the lift, got halfway up, sort of disappointed that it was only halfway..then I looked up. And saw how  much, much more was left! And I decided to stay halfway… I accidently got in to the black slope (the hardest one), and survived! Thank god I’ve done skiing since I was about 7 years old! Luckily the family I work for got tons of extra ski-clothes, skis etc that I got to borrow, so all I had to pay for was the lift-card, which cost me 3500 yen, but allows me to use it until all my points are used up (which will take a while).

Downsides of this place: hardly any internet, no TV, nearest shop is…far way. No friends yet. But on the other hand, I just arrived.

Good points: onsen! Skiiiiiii!! Calm & quiet! I have to speak very polite Japanese with the customers and my boss, Watanabe-san, corrects me as soon as I make a mistake! The family all seem very nice, hopefully their son will realize that I might want to hang out and meet some people my age, so he invites me to come out every now and then…if not I guess I’ll have to hang around the ski-place and try to make friends with the cute guys I saw working there. We’ll see what happens.

Some pics:

 

Azekura Sanso, the lodge where I’m working & living.

 

Many tracks to chose from!

My room!

Lovely view!

VERY high mountains!

 

Well besides all that, it’s Christmas Eve today, and the first year in my life that I’m not together with any family, and actually not celebrating at all. Feels quite strange, kind of sad. Wish I could teleport myself to my parent’s for a few days, then come back… But guess I’ll survive, right? Kind of wish I didn’t ask if I could have come here in the beginning of January instead, then I could have celebrated with my other JSP friends AND I wouldn’t have missed Miyavi’s concert that will be held in Tokyo on the 29th this month! Am I upset you think? I’ll go bang my head against the wall now…

Happy holidays!

Ok let’s go!

I’ve been putting it up way too long, sorry about that. But let’s go, update-time! Let’s see if I remember everything. Sorry if it might seem a bit confusing or so, I’m quite tired and my head feels fluffy somehow…

First up: final exams, closing ceremony, goodbye-parties & winter-break!

The final exams went alright, I didn’t get 100%, but over 90 at least, and I’m happy for that. That’s on the Japanese that is. I passed the history too, about lit, I have no clue as of yet, since the teacher is an…well better not write what the whole class thinks of him. I’d be surprised if we get the results before next year.

To pretty much everyone’s surprise, our mostly scary coordinator Mr. Lindley decided to stay at home, and his much nicer and funnier side Matt joined us for a karaoke-night one last time on our last Friday together. Much appreciated by everyone, who immediately abandoned all other plans as soon as they heard that he was coming out with us.

  Matt karaokeing with the JSPs!

 

The day after, on Saturday, it was the closing-ceremony, I was ordered out of bed at 7.30 already, to get my kimono on…I felt very pretty afterwards, those 30 minutes it took to get dressed  were…long! The kimono I wore was of a more complicated style, with loooooong sleeves and a very complicated obi (the “belt”), that the kimono-sensei, who came to school in the morning to help everyone get dressed, had to help me with. All in all I think we were 10 girls and about as many guys dressed very traditionally Japanese, and we were of course all very pretty!

The before-shot: me in my kimono-underwear. Sexxxxyy!

 

The after-shot. Much better.

 

The ridiculously complicated obi. But oh so pretty!

 

The closing-ceremony itself started at 11, so most of us had some time to play some Mario Kart on our Nintendo DS’s… At least I felt very Japanese at that moment! Must have looked funny…

The Nintendo-samurais Kai & Nick!

The ceremony itself was very official, with the principal of the uni and all making speeches. Very official like I said. We all even got very official-looking diplomas, showing that we’ve graduated from the JSP program. I guess I’ll graduate twice, since I have one more semester to go. Then we were all ushered outside to take a group-photo with our families!

All the JSPs and our hostfamilies!

A dinner followed this, where the taiko-club performed as well as Kisa, who danced a traditional Japanese dance, which includes a kimono and a Japanese fan. Very nice, very talented, very pretty, all of them! Thanks guys!

In the evening most of us met up at a nearby izakaya to have one last dinner together, even our teachers Ommura and Uno sensei came! Gotta love those teachers! Unfortunately they didn’t come with us to the karaoke afterwards…

Ommura sensei – the funniest teacher ever!

On Sunday I chilled at home with my neechan and okaasan, and I taught them how to bake some Swedish Christmas bread – lussebullar – which we luckily did just in time for the Saint Lucia day, which is celebrated each year on December 13th, and is one of the most important celebrations in Swedish tradition.

Lussebullar!

On Monday I went in to Tokyo to get a haircut at my now official hairdresser, Yuki-san at Who Ga, who totally understands European hair! He’s by the way also very nice, fun and speaks fluent English, after having lived in NY for 20 years, and I plan on setting him up with my neechan…I just have to make her come to the salon with me next time… Later on the same day I met up with my friend Haruka for lunch at Shibuya, then I did some shopping at H&M, where I found a really nice and warm sweater for only 1000 yen! Tuesday wasn’t too exciting, went to uni to check my mail etc. In the evening my hostparents took me for dinner at a very nice place about a 20 minute car-ride from home. Sooo much delicious food, and I got to spend some time with my hostparents outside the house! Doesn’t get better! On Wednesday most of the JSPs left, so I headed to TIU at 8.30ish to say goodbye. Freezing cold outside, but those of us not leaving + tons of our Japanese friends and hostfamilies faced the icy wind and stood outside the bus for about 30 minutes, while goodbyes and hugs and letters were being handed out let to right. Of course some crying too, though I think Kisa did most of it. As always, sucks to say goodbye to friends…I had had to say goodbye to my dear friends Vedette, Kai and Monchan the day before as well…suuuuucks, but at least nowadays I don’t cry anymore. I guess that 6 years of travelling and studying at a very international university teaches you how to suck it up and move on. It’s not like it’s a definite goodbye, we’ll always have internet, right? But still… I’ll miss you guys! Make sure to keep in touch, ok?

The last picture all of us together, right before getting on the bus… 

The day after I had promised Ommura sensei to join her in the other class that she teaches at an all-female university in Tokyo (don’t remember the name now), so I met up with her, Chris P, Jay and her friend, Kisa + two Taiwanese and a Chinese student. We all then went to this other university, where we were all split up and sat down with 4-5 Japanese girls each, who asked us questions about out country, what we thought about Japan etc. Very fun actually, and I got to practice my Japanese, since the girls didn’t speak English. Perfect! Then Chris P and I went to Asakusa for a stroll, crowded as usual, but it was a nice day so it didn’t matter.

 Asakusa – under renovation, but still pretty.

Well, besides all that, I also spent quite a lot of time packing up my stuff at my hostfamily’s place, since after December 16th, we who are staying, are not allowed to stay with our families. Luckily I can leave a lot of stuff with them that I won’t need in Nagano. Summer-clothes for example. Luckily I also have my friend Kozue living nearby, who I stayed with for a week before the semester started back in August, and who I’m currently staying with until Wednesday this week. Might not seem like it, but I’ve been quite busy since the JSP ended. Packing, moving, shopping for wedding-presents and other gifts, sending it all to Sweden, and today Kozue and I went to the Tokyo Career Forum. Hopefully we’ll both be able to find jobs here that we’ll enjoy (although she already found a job, congratulations!). Cross your fingers for me, that I might be able to find a job here in this wonderful country that I’ve fallen in love with! Please let me staayyy!!!!

And now, well, I have one more day to spend here in Kawagoe, then I’m off to Hakuba in the Nagano Prefecture for the winter. Will be nice to see something new, and (hopefully) be isolated with only Japanese people. If anyone asks if I speak English I’ll play stupid and say I’m Swedish and that I only speak Swedish and Japanese! I DO NOT WANT TO SPEAK ANY ENGLISH WHATSOEVER THIS WINTER! OK? Need to get perapera (fluent) in Japanese!

Well, as I feared, this all turned out to be way too long and probably quite boring and uninteresting for anyone to read. I really have to update this more often, so I don’t have to write a whole novel each time. Sorry about that guys…

I’ll try to update soon again, we’ll see if there’s any internet-connection that I can use up in the mountains…if not, I’ll keep blogging and saving the posts on my computer, then post them all as soon as I can!

Until then:

MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR OF THE TIGER!

Hisashiburi

Sorry, it’s been a long time since my last update again. I’ve been busy, what else can I say? Final exams, closing ceremonies, good-bye parties, packing, re-packing, moving over to my friend’s house etc. Lots. Even now I don’t have much time to write, since I’m preparing stuff for the upcoming Tokyo Career Forum that I will attend next Monday and Tuesday. Yup, jobhunting. I graduate next year and really want to stay here in Japan! So if anyone out there has a job for me in Japan, let me know!

I will write more about all the stuff that’s happened later on, promise! I’m too tired to do it now. As I said, still busy. Gotta go home and leave my stuff, then head out to Kawagoe to get my ticket for Hakuba, where I’ll be going next Wednesday.

I’ll get back soon, with photos and all.

Peace out!

Earthquake!

I was sound asleep this morning, up in the loft in Kozue’s apartment, when, suddenly – EARTHQUAKE! The first one I’ve experienced! Or well, the first bigger one. The one that shook our classroom some months ago wasn’t anywhere near as big. This one was a 5.0 at the centre, “only” 3.0 over here. Very effective alarmclock though, but a bit too early. And here was me fearing that the day I’d experience a bigger quake I’d freak out. No no. Not at all. What did I do? Roll over and fall right back asleep. Yup. Not even an earthquake can get me out of bed…

Note to self

I won’t run away, ever again. Promise. Gotta get stronger, right?

Happy birthday Nat!

Since we’re so far away from each other I had to call you this year, to wish you a great day. But since you’re my best friend you also deserve your own spot here in my blog. So here it goes:

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

NAT!

 

 

I could write a novel about our adventures on campus and elsewhere (but yeah, mostly campus), but I won’t, I just want to let you and everyone else know what a wonderful person you are and how much I miss you! Will be awesome next year, when you’ll be in Thailand! Can’t wait to meet up with you and catch up on everything, but mostly to just hang out with you, as we used to. Eat our Pringles with the Turkish yogurt and watch Top Model in our sweatpants. Pre-party together with our friends at PG12:2 then go to Stallarna for a great night. Right? That was back then, new adventures await. Right? You’re the only person I can be myself with to 500%, who knows me better than anyone else, and that I can hang out with without actually having to talk to each other. But above everything else, you’re a great, great friend, a funny, crazy person, who makes me smile and laugh even when I feel down. Someone full of crazy experiences and adventures that I always somehow seem to miss out on, someone so smart it should make me jealous but it doesn’t, since it’s you, my best friend.

I could go on, but that’s too troublesome right now haha But you know me, you know I miss you like crazy, every day, and I wish we could talk  more often on Skype, MSN, for real. But you know what? I know we’ll always stay in touch. Hurry up and come to Japan and we’ll share an apartment here in Tokyo and continue our adventures together! Ok, Rickett can come too, so you don’t complain about not getting any sex haha

Happy birthday again, my dear Nat! Wish I could have been there with you this weekend, but… Next year eh?

Love you babe!

Me and the world’s best Nat in 2006! (I was gonna put up a one of the first pictures of us together, but you know what…there’s not that many pictures of us together that are suitable to put up on a blog!)

My dear Nat, as I’m used to seeing her.

I think this is the last picture I have of us together.

The painter and the sad girl

She walked around Les Halles by herself, slowly, sadly, thinking back on the past year. Her ticket back home was due tomorrow, and she was all packed up and ready to leave. Just taking one last stroll around her beloved Paris, before leaving it for god knew how long. Her long brown skirt swayed lightly in the breeze, as if imitating her hair. Long brown skirt, pink top and brown sandals. Her hair longer back then too, reaching her shoulders… It was the beginning of June, and the city was hot, the Parisians and tourists all mixed together, but easy to distinguish from each other. The Parisians walked fast, in a hurry, the tourists strolled around, like she did. But she walked even slower, as if in a dream. In fact, she didn’t really notice what was going on around her, and so it wasn’t surprising that she didn’t notice the old man who had been looking at her for a long time. As if finally finding the courage, he approached her and spoke.

- Excusez-moi mademoiselle, but…you have such a beautifully sad look on your face, you gave me new inspiration. I would like to paint your portrait!

- Euhh…pardon?

Tons of people walked around them, and it was right after lunchtime. Since she didn’t really have anything else to do, and she definitely needed something else to think about, she decided to talk to the old man. He didn’t seem dangerous in any way. They say down at a nearby café, his treat. He told her his life-story, short version. He was from…where was it now again? I’ve forgotten…not French in any case. He’d lived in France for many years now though, drawn to the city, as artists have for centuries. Unmarried, long beard, funny clothes, had had many lovers, young women too, he didn’t find it embarrassing to tell. Why? It was his life, after all. He was honest, and kept telling her how beautiful she was, reminded him of his daughter,who was about the same age now, probably.

He asked about her. Why so sad? And she told him, needing to talk. She’d been in Paris for about 9 months, working as an aupair, studying French. Then he had come for a visit from the UK. Just friends, right? But those nights spent together in London, right before she left the year before, came back oh so vividly when she picked him up at the airport… They spent a week together, while the family she worked for were on holiday. Invite a friend over to keep you company while we’re gone they had said, and so she did. He immediately took the chance, being a travelling aussie, as he was, and wanting to see as much as possible while in Europe. A young man and a young woman, alone, together in the Paris’ autumn…and they’re destined to fall for each other. Was it the magic of the city, perhaps? Who knows… Anyway, it didn’t last for long, once he managed to move to the city, and he left… She had this feeling that he went back to someone else, but she never dared to ask. Didn’t really matter anyway…

Paris was…just too empty now. She couldn’t bear walking around the Seine alone now, where she had once walked with him, hand in hand, kissing and laughing. She could see other couples now, doing the same thing, and it made her heart ache, literally. She loved the city more than any other place she had been to before, and it hurt her to leave it, but it hurt even more to stay. I’ll come back one day she thought. I just don’t know when… She had things to attend to, a life to figure out.

The painter looked at her all the while she talked, asked questions and came with small comments, filled with the wisdom of someone who has lived a full life and seen and lived through almost everything. Why did she have to leave? Oh well…he understood. But what a pity that the plane was for the next day, he’d love to paint her portrait! She was so beautiful, her eyes so vivid, so full of thought, pain, love, longing… Would she at least send him a postcard? Sure… Ah, but she never did, forgot, lost the address, or threw it away maybe…

It was all for the best after all. Go back home and start studying. She met so many people, went through so much, had many lovers and desperately tried to find whatever it was that she searched for. Made friends for life, friends that were worth so much more than an old lover. What if he never had left? Would they have gone to the south of France in the autumn, as they had planned? Would they have continued on to Italy, then somewhere else? Would she eventually have moved to Australia with him? Who knows… But, after all, it was all for the best.

Yes, it was all for the best, definitely. Or else I wouldn’t be here in Japan today, learning a new language, getting to know a new culture, getting new friends. Finding my way. Wherever it may lead me… I’m happy, trust me, although I sometimes get lost in old memories, wondering, what if? Where is life taking me, I wonder…?

Ah, but sometimes I ask myself…would that old painter still find me beautiful, still want to paint my portrait? Too bad I lost his address, I wonder if he even remembers me…

Impossible dreams

There’s days when I wish I was 7 years younger and about 20-30 cm shorter… All because of a very cute guy… *sigh* oh well…

Who ate the damn cake??? (Feel the stress!!!)

Only 2 weeks are now left of the 2009 fall semester’s JSP, and I believe I’m not the only one feeling slightly stressed over the upcoming exams and papers that need to be written. On Monday we have the history final, then on Friday both literature and Japanese…on top of that my class has to interview some Japanese students (in Japanese, of course!), and we who take literature need to write a paper on the subject… I also need to figure out when to go to Nagano. It would be simpler (and cheaper) to stay here until the 23rd, but I’m not sure if I can do it. We’ll see what happens, things have a tendency to turn out to the best in the end. Everything happens for a reason, as I always think. No need to panic. But I’m still stressed about this all, and today at Japanese class, when I just couldn’t understand the causative verbs-part of the grammar, I felt how all this stress built up inside nearly brought me to the point where I almost cried. It’s not only the studies and all, it’s the whole communication-part, Christmas and all, as I wrote in a previous blog-post a few days ago… The whole causative-verb thingie was explained with several almost identical sentences, where we had to figure out who ate the cake… Try to get this right, who ate the cake in the following sentences (only for people who can read Japanese, sorry!):

山田さんは私の妹にケーキを食べさせました。

山田さんは私の妹にケーキを食べさせられました。

山田さんは私の妹にケーキを食べられました。

山田さんは私の妹のケーキを食べてくれました。

私の妹にケーキを食べさせたのは山田さんです。

私に妹のケーキを食べさせたのは山田さんです。

私の妹のケーキを食べてくれたのは山田さんです。 

 

I read somewhere that crying is a great way for the body to get rid of some stress, calm down and get going again. I would definitely need to cry some, and I’m not far from doing it every day, but I stop myself. I don’t know why. Well, partly because I don’t want to start crying like a baby for no obvious reason in front of a bunch of people, but also because the logical part of me sees no reason in crying at all. I should just kick the logical part of me hard in the butt and tell it to go shove it sometimes.